im back at this point,

the point where im not even sure where i am,

how can i know which path to choose?

no clue, no guidance,

alone im standing,

left or right, forward or backward, or even oblique way?

not sure

even when there's only two ways,

live it or leave it,

all i can do is standing still,

worries cover my faith,

dreams become blur in doubt,

when all i can do is asking myself, is it what i really want?

or at least, do i really need this?

do i deserve it?

im about to run,

again,

like what i used to do in my past,

im really good at it,

wrenching others heart while fixing mine,

but i feel like it just too odd to do so,

and it just too cruel this time,

i'll feel in deathly sin,

unforgivable,

but is it right to let this flows?

the end is still a mystery,

but if it'll end with misery,

i dont think i can forgive myself,

being bad girl isnt my speciality, im not good at it

Portio girl

See the different between the normal portio with the abnormal one on the left of this pic.

My first delivery

Welcome to the world dearest baby boy >.<

curcol

abis baca blog seorang senior, saya jadi merasa blog saya ini terlalu labil, terlalu hingar bingar, terlalu random dan terlalu duniawi. beda banget sama blog dia. hadeh.

boleh ga ya saya disini klarifikasi tentang blog saya ini? eh sebenernya saya lebih suka dia ga pernah dan ga akan pernah buka blog saya ini sih. apa hidden aja blog nya? tapi tapi tapi. udahlah. this is me and like it or not, this blog is part of me, i may not perfect but i'll try my best to be one. *tsah* kalo kata undangan nikah yang saya baca tadi siang, "saya mungkin tak semulia Khodijah, tak setaqwa Aisyah, tak setabah Fatimah dan tak secantik Zulaika". *aseeek*

PS. Zulaika itu siapanya Nabi?saya beneran baru denger 1x ini.

2 hari diobgyn saya bisa cerita banyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak banget. it's so fun to be there actually. tapi terlalu ngantuk buat diketik dan terlalu banyak tugas yg harus dikerjain menanti. bzz.

Too Korean day

why do i title this post "too korean day?"

im not misspelling it and do mean so. hehe.

my "TOO" korean day started when me and my papa decided to go to a hotel to have some duckling breakfast. pecking duck neomu neomu choa! and then we met a bunch of korean entered the hotel door and took 2 big table just side of ours. -read my previous post for more detail-

around 10.30 i went to 우리 샘 house because i seriously get bored home and decided to really join them to go to the orphans house. i parked my car on the parking lot infront of her house, then i saw a very young girl, around 5 i guess, and she kept on looking my car, maybe she was wondering "what the hell is this blue car doing here??" kkk. when i first saw her, i just somehow had a feeling that she's a korean, i was about to greet him with 아녕~ when i came out off my car and greeted by her with "아녕~" !! uwaaa~~ my korean sense 진짜 대박! ㅋㅋㅋㅋ i asked her once "아기,,너 이름이뭐야?" she wasnt replying and ran to 샘 house and yelled "이모~~이모~~"with a very long Blablabla which i understand none. ups. *ya! gongbuhae! hangguk mal gongbuchana~" *suddenly feel like 샘 is yelling at me ask me to study more. haha

샘 opened the door and asked her to leave, but i insisted to play with her, after a couple of times, with 샘 help,, 우리가 친구차나~ >.< we even took a pic together, and decorated it with frames 굼 and alphabets. haha.

here is our first conversation,,

샘 asked her in korean to asked my name.

kid : 이름이뭐에요? --> uwooo sekecil ini udah bisa ngomeng korea!! bzz.. yaiyalah :p

me: 이차에요.

kid: 이차?? *dengan muka heran penuh tanda tanya"

me: 네, 이차, 왜? *emang nama gw woo,,ga percaya lo??*

kid: 아니.

sem datang dan meluruskan semuanya,, 이 차 mobil ini, ini : 이, mobil :차.

me: biar aku jadi orang kaya sem, makanya namanya icha, punya banyak mobil,, haha.

me : 너이름이뭐에요?

kid: 처요? 부연이예요. *sumpah ini saya ga tau dia ngomong apa sampe nanya ke sem lagi namanya sopo"

her name is BUYEON (kalo ga salah denger sih, maklum koas THT, *;oh*) . she's so cute! then we talk about "age" and "fave color", and wether she like this or that or these or those. she dislike MY PORORO! uwaa! how come! we do love pink, pempek and teddy bear. she's 7 yo, her father is a soccer player in palembang, her fave color is pink and blue. we even played saem's gym ball and that's how we ended taking this pic with her pushing my head with her jaw. haish! nappeun agiya!

with buyeon agi geum

after mbak ika came, we go to PTC first to buy more snacks for the orphans, then we went to the 1st orphans house "kita peduli" or "peduli kasih". those two orphans houses is confusing in name! just flipped over one another. aigo~

the kids on the 1st orphans house looks very happy playing with us

선미 언니랑 이가 언니랑샘이.

seonmi eonni + ika eonnie was holding the "geum semari" poster while saem explaining how to sing the song.

선미 언니가 아기모리를깎었어요. 선미 언니가 정말 예쁘지~

seonmi eoni nuguji? hehe. she's a volunteer from KOICA, korean government organization to help poor and developing country, indonesia ofcourse include in the "developing" part. hehe. she'll be volunteering as a "beauty class" teacher at SMK N 6 Palembang. isnt it amazing?? pretty-young-slim-kind hearted *she's doing a good deed indeed*

this time, we had a "salon keliling" on the orphans house. daebak! mau juga dipotong seonmi eonnie~~~

then i met another cute girl named "ARIN". she was at first looks very shy but after she felt familiar with u, she looks like she was "drunk". really. haha. cece icha suka arin!! >.< cece arin namanya windy, mamanya namanya tante mega. baik semua, cantik deh, kurus pula,, *iri hati*

makan duren dulu~ arin mau yang kecil? cece yang gede~ hehe

Pecking porridge

Me and papa was having a full bowl of duck pecking porrigde when a bunch of korean came into the restaurant. There was around 20of them, average age maybe 20,,coz mos looks like on their 10s or early 20s, not so sure. Papa asked me to greet them which i refused because im too shy. >.<
I still cant speak korean, u know,, kkk. But actually i really really really wanted to greet them. Like "anyeonghaseyo yeorobun, choneun icha imnida, choneun hangguk nara cincca choayo. Apeuro, hangguk kagoshippeoyo. Yeorobundeul indonesiae mani mani chaemigesseyo." - asal mode-
Lol. Too bad i cant type hangul in afif's ipad. :p

jleb!

surat untuk nency

dear nency,

mungkin kamu ga akan pernah baca post ini,

tapi saya harap suatu saat nanti kamu bisa baca dan sedikit mengetahui masa lalumu karena sekarang kau terlalu muda bahkan untuk mengingat semua yang terjadi.

kita seharusnya bertemu dimalam hari, saat saya jaga, tetapi apa mau dikata, saat itu giliran tian, jadi tian lah yang bertemu kamu. tapi Tuhan memang menakdirkan kita bertemu, kau dirawat di bed follow up saya. saya pun kaget bukan kepalang karena saya kira saya akan mendapati bed kosong seperti hari hari sebelumnya.

saat itu pagi hari, saya berniat melihat seberapa besar luka yang ditimbulkan sisir itu didalam mulutmu, yang kata mereka merobek dalam pallatum molle mu, dan sedikit meraba nadi agar ya, paling tidak saya bisa berkata saya mem-follow-up kamu. tapi kamu menjerit, meraung dan memukuli saya dengan tanganmu yang terjerat selang infus. naas. untung ibumu memegangimu, saya tak apa.

kebeneran yang kedua, hari itu jadwal saya di OK umum, dan hari itu juga jadwal OK debridement + repair pallatum molle mu. dan disana kita bertemu lagi, di OK. kau seperti pagi hari tadi, tetap menjerit histeris melihat semua dokter dan bahkan calon dokter. apa kami begitu menyeramkan? kami bahkan bertangan kosong menghampirimu, sampai kakak residen anestesi datang bersama midazolam dosis rendahnya, dan kau pun menjadi apatis. kkkk

"yes akhirnya dia tenang! "gumam saya. saat itu juga, biarpun saya yakin kau tak tau, adalah saksi kita bahwa kecantikan akan segera hilang dan sirna dengan kepala kosong yang dia miliki. sayang sekali, padahal cantik,,

dan setelah penantian yang sangat lama karena ntah karena umurmu, atau lokasi peng-operasi-an yang sulit, kau harus menuggu dokter anestesi konsulen membiusmu. tahukah kau aku sangat amat lapar saat itu??? lapaaaar sekali. tidak usah dibahas lagi betapa pegalnya kaki saya berdiri berjamjam dan menunggu.

tau kah kau mengapa kau harus segera dioperasi walaupun mereka semua tau luka itu sebenarnya dapat saja sembuh sendiri karena adanya self-healing-process oleh sistem pertahanan tubuhmu?

konsulen THT itu berkata, jika kau tidak dioperasi dengan baik sekarang, jika lukamu yang membentuk segitiga itu tidak dijahit dengan jahitan menyerupai huruf "T" sehingga kedua pilar anterior mu simetris, maka 20 atau 25 tahun lagi kau akan mengalami dampaknya.

suaramu akan sengau!

dan ditengah kelaparan dan pegal kaki itu saya berharap satu hal padamu,

semoga kau kelak menjadi seorang penyanyi.

the end.

antiklimaks.

sincerely,

Kakak koas cantik

Someone like you by adele

this song is echoing on my head.

firstly because the song itself is somehow catchy and nice,

but then, the lyrics, i felt like, it just so into me.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you,

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, "
Yeah

You'd know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Yeah

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

-------------------------------------------------

i know you're happy now,

u live part of your dreams,

you are loved by a girl which is more than me in every aspect a guy could wish for,

but nevermind, i'll find someone like you :)

i miss you my old besties

saya tiba2 kalo lagi ngerasa gini jadi kangen sama sahabat2 saya dari SMA,

i miss my old besties,

when things wasnt this complicated,

when friends came first,

when our time was the most precious of all,

and when boyfriend wasnt really matter,

i miss my old besties,

not because i dont have any,

not because i hate what i have,

not because im too greedy,

not because im jealous,

but it's simply bacause i miss you,

i miss my old besties,

and time and place were all ours,

and laugh was all around,

and tears was just a glimpse of reality,

and both hands were all tighten aside,

i miss you my old besties

galau episode

saya lagi galau segalaugalaunya,,

saya lagi ngerasa sendiriaaaaaaaan banget,

apalagi tadi di RS, kangen mama, kangen revi, kangen boni, kangen amsa, kangen cutang-giti-ucup-ical-rema-hui-poon-kate-sean-eunhyeok dll, kangen sem, kangen cingudeul, kangen semua hal,,sampe bisa aja ini post isinya cuma kangen ini dan itu :(

saya tadi bahkan berjuang ngitungnin detik demi detik pulang tanpa melow,, untung pas pulang saya mampir ke kulit dn ketemu belu sm iis, lumayan bisa bikin ketawaketiwi,, (dan dpt bonus runningman 74 :p)

ini sebenernya karena saya lagi ngantuuuuuuuk banget,, padahal jaga sih ga, tpi krn tidur dgn lampu nyala ini pasti, ga nyenyak masbro T__T

initinya i just feel alone rightnow,

i actually wanted to just PING him, but part of my ownself refused to do so. it told me to wait until nite come and he'll be the one PING-ing me. (amin (?) eh?).

melow. about to explode. about to cry a river, no an ocean. :(

ngomong2 ini juga dipicu dengan hadirnya pihak ke3 yang CUIH CUIH banget,, sumpah,,

kok ada ya orang yang otaknya didengkul, perasaannya di jempol! jauh banget dari itu paca indra buat bicara, liat, denger, apalagi sama otaknya, !

astaghfirullahalazim :((

a collage of me

Created using Pic Collage. http://pic-collage.com

With ayu's ipad. Love this! 

Sent from my iPad

Nervus VII

I saw the pic on the 20th room of Mohammad husein hospital PAlembang. It is an ENT room anyway. There, there is a pic of a woman with 10 different facial expression made by using 10 different muscles in our face innervated by facial nerve of cranial nerve VII. This post is also about it, but the model is myself and i only do 9of it. Kkkkk.

Got several pic with different type of hijab,, enjoy!

ah, before that,, read this first,,

the 10th diffent muscles innervated by facial nerve.

see the pic from left upper most to right upper most, then to left middle to right,

last 7,8,9 muscle shown on lower most left to right. >.<

isnt this cute!! >.<

Diferrent style with paris shawl

For everyday use, i use none of the below style. LoL

Mr.right

i just saw this on one of Fb pages,

so silly. but somehow i agree on the percentage of Mr. Right, not even 1%!

saya merasa ini para lelaki punya link kesesama mereka kali ya.

giliran dateng, kayak mau ngajakin berantem, berbondongbondong,

giliran ilang, berbondongbondong juga.

saya jadi bingung bin heran.

apa mereka janjian?

"cuy, hari ini kita absen dulu soalnya kmaren dia udah ampe pusing ngeladenin kita"

*ngarang*

kepada mereka semua,

terserah, datang saya sambut gembira, pergi, silahkan,

saya tidak akan memaksa,

saya hanya berharap suatu saat nanti akan ada yang tinggal dan saya dengan segenap jiwa raga mempertaruhkan semua hal untuk itu,

sampai saya yakin akan hal itu, saya akan menyerahkan semuanya pada waktu

ive been thinking,

i've only told a boy that i love him ONCE in my entire life.

i liked and got a crush on some, but i loved ONE? really??

if there's someone who feel that i've said any confession to him, let me know, maybe i...forget (?)

SO TRUE!

quotes

i somehow found and interesting site that offer many JPG quotes.

so i take some that is nice and post it here so once i need to use it on my BBM display pic, i just need to reopen this post. hehe

enjoy!

i

random quote

cinta pertama saya

yang namanya cinta pertama itu benerbener ga tergantikan ya.

tapi berapa sih persentase orang yang akhirnya berjodoh sama cinta pertamanya?

kalo diitung pake P value, bisa bermakna ga?

kayaknya ga.

*asal*

pembicaraan via BBM dengan seorang sahabat bikin saya galau dan jadi inget cinta pertama saya. PLIIISSSS!! baru 1 tugas saya yang kelar! masi ada 2 lagi!!! dan kenapa malah nge-galau!!!

T___T

tapi yoweslah, mari kita menulis tentang cinta pertama saya.

laki laki yang sampe sekarang saya rasa adalah laki-laki paling mendekati sempurna yang saya temui sepanjang hidup saya (kita kesampingkan dulu papa ya).

he has all BRAIN, BEAUTY (HANDSOME maksudnya), BEHAVIOR, cocok pokoknya jadi mister universe. >.<

saya adalah pengagumnya, tidak dari jauh, cukup dekat, sempat sangat dekat malah. tapi namanya juga takdir, ga ada yang tau. akhirnya dia ketemu orang lain yang lebih tepat mungkin. ya sudahlah mau apalagi. toh saya tetap saudaranya.

cih! kadang kadang emosi kalo inget beberapa oknum yang meng"kakak"an diri. saya emang anak pertama yang ga punya kakak, dan sampe mati bakal selalu pengen punya kakak, tapi kan ga berarti saya mau punya 1000 kakak. stop asking me to be your SISTER!

apapun. tapi sekarang saya sih bersyukur2 aja, toh pada kenyataannya, seiring jalannya waktu, saya merasa emang ini yang terbaik. tapi ini ga berlaku buat si cinta pertama saya itu.

saya sampe mikir, gimana ya nanti kalo saya udah punya keluarga, trus tiba2 dia dan cintanya dateng lagi. saya pasti bakal semedi cari wangsit ke gunung dempo saking dilemanya. >.<

haha. sekarang emang lucu, tapi ga akan jadi lucu kalo beneran terjadi. God please, make this happen NOT! kalo mau terjadi, sebelum janur kuning melengkung plisssss.

satu hal yang pasti, karena dia saya yakin kalo saya bisa mencintai satu orang selama hidup saya. selama ini saya agak ragu, mengingat saya kan orangnya bosenan, ditengah PDKT orang aja saya bisa tiba2 bosen-->ilfeel-->dan ngabur yang (selalu) berakhir dengan diem2an karena mereka marah sama saya.

cuma orang dan waktunya aja yang belum tiba. saya yakin suatu hari nanti ada yang bisa bikin saya sayang sama dia kayak saya sayang sama keluarga saya, :)

aaaaaaaaaa

kayaknya saya harus ganti alamat blog deh.

tapi tapi tapi *labil

knapa ini orang2 lagi berbondong2 menjodohkan saya sama temen2nya?

pengen nulis banyak hal lucu dan aneh, tapi ga etis ntar kalo dibaca orang lain.

kocak banget,,

sekarang saya lagi ngakak2 sendirian kayak orang sinting.

aku akan terus berjalan

aku akan terus berjalan,

mungkin lambat,

mungkin berhenti untuk istirahat,

tapi aku akan terus berjalan,

kadang berlari,

kadang terjatuh,

dan aku akan terus berjalan,

dalam gelapnya gerhana bulan,

dalam terik matahari mencekam,

namun aku akan terus berjalan,

seperti berputarnya bulan terhadap bumi

seperti berputarnya bumi terhadap mentari

lalu aku akan terus berjalan

walau aurora sudah terbangun dari tidurnya

walau jasmin dan aladin telah bersatu

sehingga aku akan terus berjalan

sampai kaki tak mampu menopang

sampai nafas tak bisa berhembus

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

detik baru,

menit baru,

hari baru,

tahun baru,

sementara aku tidaklah baru,

aku tetap diriku dan akan selamanya menjadi diriku.

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

semua cerita tahun lalu telah menjadi kenangan,

ada yang indah, ada nelangsa,

ada cinta, ada duka,

tetapi memori yang ada, semoga bisa menjadi pelajaran berharga

demi menyongsong kegembiraan dan gegap gempita selalu

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

mimpi mimpi semakin menggila,

walau jemari tangan dan kaki meronta lelah,

hati tak akan menyerah, terus melawan dan mencoba mengejar

sampai Tuhanlah yang memutuskan jawaban

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

kita manusia berdosa,

hingga seonggok tanah tak bisa mensucikan,

semoga maaf dari mereka yang terluka dan kaki kaki kecil yang terinjak,

menghapus sebagian dosa dan menjernihkan sebagian diri

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

kaki yang pincang berjalan sendiri,

tangan yang lunglai tanpa pegangan

dan hati yang rindu akan kekasih

terpuaskan dari dahaga dilaut mati

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

angin berdesir tidak kebelakang,

air mengalir tidak ke hilir,

api membakar tidak memperbaiki,

semoga kau yang pergi diberikan yang terbaik

tahun 2012 telah tiba,

menjadi apa aku akupun tak tahu

tapi aku akan tetap aku

bagaimanapun jalan membawaku