Im back to my book

Every person has their very own unique path of life. 

I cant live theirs and they cant live mine.

When other bride around me is getting pregnant, or even be a two-kids-mom, while i have not YET. i can do nothing. except ofcourse praying and trying to find what is need to cured or fixed or do.

Been 10 months now, long enough to hold a baby inside someone's belly. but again, i can do nothing.

yesterday, when i got mrs. flo all over again, i thinked, i cried a little and i decided, maybe my path is not like other. maybe my path isnt going to be as cute as a common pie, get married, pregnant, and be a mom.

maybe i was choosen to be something else. something bigger than just "common". Something awesome even when i cant figure it out just now.

maybe God choose me because He knows im strong enough. He knows i better this way. 

So that he delayed it.

so that he showed me many other things first.

im gonna take my exam.

im gonna pass it.

and im gonna make my dad, and mom and my husband proud.

im gonna be your next obgyns!

Somepeople asked me, "are you actually delaying your pregnancy?"

no im not.

but for now, i think it is best to keep on trying, keep on praying, keep on asking God, while keep on my head and heart and conciousness within the right track. because day by day it's getting more to my nerve and i feel like dying inside.

let me be me. Let me feel freely alive. let me  do something to my life. far from a sedentary lifestyle i had this past few months but at the end only gave me more time to get stressed out.

And i always and will always hope and pray, God will give us His bless and sent us sholeh and sholehah children in the right time.

robbihabli minnassholihin

robbihabli minladunka zuriyattan toyyibatan, innaka sami'ud dhua.

(Edisi temen deket baru lahiran jadi agak galau, dan udah minta eskrim sama bapak suami, hihi)